When you are thinking about buying something or selling something you own, how do you determine what something is really worth? If you are buying something, the value is generally whatever you paid for it. However, if you are selling something, how do you establish its value or price?

Depending on the nature of the object, the value may be more than what you paid for it (e.g., the art work you bought from an unknown artist many years ago who is now world famous, or buying gold at $200 per oz. and it is now selling at $1000 per oz.), or it may be less (e.g., buying a new car and driving it off the lot, or buying a house a few years back and that has now dropped in value). So how do you determine something’s real value? Some say the value of something is whatever someone else is willing to pay for it. Let the free market decide. But unless you actually “sell” the object, what is it really worth to you?

Many people get caught up in what they paid for an item or they may have an overly ambitious view of the object’s true value in the marketplace. Example 1: I paid $1 million for a house two years ago so it should be worth at least that. Example 2: I started my own company two year ago with $10,000 and today it should now be worth $100 million even though the company has not sold anything or made a profit. You get the picture? Are the expectations of the people in these two examples reasonable? What about Example 3: I bought my house for $200,000 twenty years ago. Two years ago someone said that they would pay me $1 million for the house but I said no. Is the house still worth $1 million today?

You can change the item and the amounts, but often times you will see people having an overly ambitious view of the value of their property.

The truth is that the value of something is what you paid for it. You won’t realize the gain or loss associated with the item until you sell it. This truth is starting to hit home for many people during this economic crisis. Until you actually decide to sell and someone else decides to buy it, the value of the item is what you paid for it. Many things that people bought during the last economic boom have lost their value during this current economic crisis. Do you know what your possessions are really worth?

It seems like most Americans are obsessed with being members of a team. We align ourselves with our favorite sports teams like the New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox in baseball, or the LA Lakers and the Chicago Bulls in basketball. We identify ourselves by the city that we live in, like San Francisco or New York City. We identify our political affiliation as Democratic, Republican or Independent. We live in a red state or a blue state.

I guess we have our parents to thank for all of this. When we were young, our parents made us join the Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts or some other team. As we grew older and began hanging out with our friends, we identified with our peer groups. We even had our secret signs, handshakes and codes. I guess we never grew out of it even after we joined the work force.

Many of us identify our team by the work that we do (e.g., lawyer, accountant, software engineer, etc.) or the companies that we work for (e.g., IBM, Google, GM, Wal-Mart, etc.). Others join social clubs, not-for-profit or other community based organizations for social and community benefits. Joining a team gives us an established identity. It announces to the world that we belong to a group or team, that we are a part of something greater than ourselves.

In spite of the poor economy, the telecom companies are doing great. People are paying tons of money to stay connected with their computers, cell phones, iPhones, Blackberrys and the like. New industries are springing up to meet this ever-growing demand to stay connected. We have zillions of social and professional networking websites. Some of the more popular ones are Facebook, Twitter, Plaxo and LinkedIn.

You would think that with the depressed economy, people would be cutting back on this discretionary expense item. Yet we see countless people walking, driving or doing their chores with their cell phones glued to their ears or texting. What is “out there” that is so important that people cannot focus on the immediacy of their tasks at hand? Why are they trying so hard to stay connected that they are willing to risk financial loss, pain, injury and death to stay connected?

When you think about it, cell phones and Internet services are not cheap, no matter what the telecom companies say. It costs close to $100 per month for cell phone and Internet services. Many people pay more for the “deluxe” plans. Most people don’t notice the charges because they are bundled in with other things because they (”the telecoms”) are giving you a “good” deal, or so they say. But would you pay the same amount of money for a land line as you do for cell phone services? Probably not because the perceived value is not there. That’s why telecom companies are charging people through the nose for these new services - because they can and the demand is there. Did you know consumers in the United States pay the world’s highest prices for these services?

What is so important “out there” that requires people to want to be in constant contact with each other 24 x 7? Is there that much to say that they have to do it immediately on the phone or through the Internet? Why are people talking on the cell phone or instant messaging when they are driving, shopping, walking, having lunch with their other friends or doing some other activity?

One explanation is that people are feeling more disconnected and isolated. As the economy continues to falter and their lives become more uncertain, people are feeling all alone, even when they are around other people. They are desperately trying to stay connected some how and some way to some one or some thing out there. They are using their cell phones and Internet connections as a “security blanket” to compensate for their sense of isolation, to no avail.

The isolation that they feel is not “out there” but within themselves. The solution to their need to stay connected is not with people, places and things out there, but to reconnect with their inner self. And in the end, that is all that matters.

When we were old enough to go to school, we learned our ABCs and 123s. In arithmetic class so many years ago, we were taught that 1 + 1 = 2. But in real life we sometimes find out that the numbers don’t seem to add up no matter how hard we try, like when we are trying to balance our checking account, pay our bills, or having enough money to carry us through to our next paycheck.

Here’s an interesting concept that you may know intuitively. You have probably seen many examples of this concept in action but didn’t know what to call it. What if I were to tell you that 1 + 1 = 3? You would probably say I’m wrong and probably crazy. “Everyone” knows that 1 + 1 = 2. It’s simple arithmetic that a child learns in grade school.

When two forces engage, a third separate force is always created as a result of the engagement.  This is one of the universal truths. The two original forces continue to exist after they have engaged one another. They continue to exist separately outside of their engagement.  This universal law applies to every aspect of our daily lives.

What’s so important about the 1 + 1 = 3 concept and how does it apply to you? This concept is especially important in handling your relationships. When you engage another energetic force (e.g., another person, company, government agency, etc.) physically, mentally or emotionally, the quality of your experiences have to do with the quality of the relationships that you have created. It has nothing to do with you or the other person directly so there is no reason to take things personally.

Understanding this energetic principle allows you to see the relationship for what it really is. It’s not personal and there is nothing to get emotional over. If a couple has marital problems, the problems have to do with their respective expectations of the marriage. One or both are not getting what they want from the relationship. When there is a breach of contract, the two parties are fighting about not getting the benefit of their bargain. They made certain representations and promises to each other to do something and one or both did not get the benefit of their bargain. The conflict is not personal, it is about the relationship.

Understanding the application of the 1 + 1 = 3 principle in your daily live will greatly enhance the quality of your life experiences.　

When dealing with people, we try to understand their intentions as well as our own. What are they trying to say, why are they saying it, what do they want, and how do their intentions align with my own? People have many reasons for doing something. Some intentions can be spoken or unspoken and they can be conscious or unconscious.

By knowing your true intentions and those of the other party, you can save yourself a lot of money and grief. This is especially true in relationships having to do with contracts, partnerships, marriage and litigation. Understanding your true motivation for doing something because there are consequences to every action that you take.

For example, the popular saying is that people marry for love. But marriage is a legally binding contract so what does love have to do with it? Laws govern the legal status of a married couple and they also govern their obligations after a divorce, like alimony and child support.

A rich and successful business man marries a very beautiful woman. After the honeymoon is over, tensions begin to rise and cracks appear in the relationship. The husband is always working late, the wife ignores him when he is at home and all she does is go shopping.

They claimed they married for love, but that was not their true intentions. The man wanted a “trophy” wife to show his friends and society that he has “made” it. The woman wanted someone to take care of her in the lifestyle she would like to become accustom to for the rest of her life. Although neither had expressed their true intentions to the other, they both got want they wanted from the marriage.

Understanding the true intentions of the parties creates the basis for a more realistic and long lasting relationship. It improves your peace of mind, knowing your are getting the benefit of your bargain, and it allows you to change your experience in the relationship if you so choose.

Yogi Barra, a former catcher for the New York Yankees, is often remembered for stating the obvious. “It’s deja vu all over again” was one of the more famous expression attributed to Mr. Barra.

You may quit your job and move out of New York City to start all over again in San Francisco. After a while it seems like the experiences that you were trying to get away from in New York have followed you to your new city. You have a new job, new friends and a new apartment in a new city, but it seems like your experiences have remained the same. At work if you just close your eyes and listen for a while, you new boss may even sound and act like your old boss in New York. One may be male and the other female. One may be black and the other white, but if you didn’t know any better you would swear they were identical twins. You may have changed cities, jobs and friends, but your experiences remained the same.

When most people say they want to change, what do they really mean? They want to change the situation they are in but they don’t want to change the reasons that cause them pain. They don’t want to change themselves. They are making superficial and not real change.

Moving to a new city, changing jobs or spouses may change your scenery but not your experiences. Your story remains the same. It’s like watching a play based on the story of Cinderella. It doesn’t matte what country you are in, the story remains the same. The characters may look and speak French in France, Japanese in Japan, or English in America, but almost everyone in the world who is familiar with the story of Cinderella will understand the play even if they don’t speak the language.

To truly change your experiences, you have to deal with the things that got you there in the first place. Otherwise, it will be deja vu all over again.

You may have heard people talk about creating a “valued proposition”. You may have used this concept when dealing with others. But have you ever applied this concept to yourself?

I am not talking about the value that your boss or co-workers see in your work, or the value your family sees in you being a provider. I am talking about the value that you see in yourself. What is your value to you? Have you ever thought about it from your own perspective? Lets’ be honest here. Probably not. The answer is not out there. This requires you look within yourself for the answers.

Most of us spend almost all of our waking moments focusing on what is out there and not what is in here. We define ourselves by what we do, who we do it with, and how others perceive us.

Do we treat ourselves the same way we treat other people? Do we treat ourselves better? Are we exercising daily, eating proper meals, drinking enough water, getting enough rest, taking vitamins and food supplements, spending time with our family and friends? Are we able to separate our work from our leisure time?

If the answer to any of these questions is no, then we are not seeing our value as being equal to or greater than those that we interact with on a daily basis. If you don’t value yourself, then who will? If your body breaks down because you didn’t take proper care of it over the years, who will suffer? Who will feel the pains?

After graduating from school, we pour our energies into our work and careers. We focus our energies on the needs of our clients and our work, often at the expense of our personal needs. When we don’t receive the acknowledgments and promotions that we feel we deserve, we rant and rave in our mind about how life is so unfair, how nobody really cares, it’s all too much, and it’s all hopeless. Yet even when we are recognized for our contributions and accomplishments, we often feel embarrassed and try to hide or downplay our contributions. We take these actions so that we don’t have to focus attention on ourselves. These actions allow us to continue to spin in our stories about how life is unfair and how we give and give and never get anything in return. Does this sound familiar?

Have you ever said or heard someone say “that some day they are going to _______ (fill in the blank).”

I’m too young, but some day when I grow up, I am going to travel around the world.

I don’t have time to study abroad, but some day after I graduate from college, I am going to travel around the world.

I need to focus on my career, but some day after I have established myself, I am going to travel around the world.

I have bills to pay, a family and more kids coming, but some day after the kids have grown up, I am going to travel around the world.

The kids have grown up and moved away, but some day when the economy is better, I am going to travel around the world.

The years have passed like grains of sand in a desert storm. My health is poor now and I can no longer travel. My dream of traveling around the world is now just that, only a dream.

Does this sound familiar in anyway to you? How many times do we say we want to do something and we don’t take action? We say we want one thing but settle for another.

You are either moving towards your dream or you are moving away from it. The choice is up to you. What are you going to do?